New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions

It is that time where most people make promises, or better stated, wishes for the upcoming year.  The vast majority revolve around losing weight, getting in shape, joining a gym, saving money or getting out of debt. Unfortunately most of these good intentions are over before Valentine Day.

Since my book “When the Wife Cheats” was released, I have spoken to dozens of men and women whose resolution is simply to “move on” from betrayal. This one is not so easy. Betrayal comes in many forms. We have all been betrayed by a friend or co-worker or a trusted employee. Although these betrayals hurt, we are able to move on fairly quickly. However it is not so easy when the betrayal is your spouse. I wish I had the answer – I don’t. I can only share what has helped me.

Whether you want to or not, you cannot escape the grief process (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and acceptance). Unfortunately, these stages don’t always go in order. I still find myself going back and forth between them. It’s OK. This process is not an exact science. Spousal betrayal is made more difficult because your heart isn’t just broken, often it is shattered. There is usually a set time to fix a break. A broken bone may heal in six to eight weeks. A shattered bone or heart has no fixed time to heal. It is going to take far more time than you expect. Give yourself time.

Before you can pick up the pieces and go home you have to forgive yourself. Let me say that again; Forgive Yourself.  You weren’t the worst husband or wife ever. While you may have done the best you could to make your marriage work, it didn’t work. You cannot make someone else happy or make them love you if they don’t. You may never forgive your spouse - that’s OK – but forgive yourself.

I used this quote in “When the Wife Cheats.” It helped me. I hope it helps you.

"There comes a point in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore and who always will…so don’t worry about people from your past; there is a reason they didn’t make it to your future."

Now I know this is far easier said that done. So here is another saying that might help. When you find yourself in the depths of depression and sorrow; when you don’t believe you have the strength to even get out of bed; when you have no idea how you are going to survive the next hour – let alone raise your children. Believe me you will have ALL of these feelings.  When you feel completely overwhelmed – remember this:

            Look up…Get up…And never ever Give up.

Never ever give up. You will get through this – you will survive and your life will be better than ever. Happy 2012 to everyone!